9-15-06... morning
Hey again, Zach. (This somehow doesn't feel as silly as it should.)I woke up this morning to Sarah sleeping in bed next to me. I guess that's really not as important as it could be, but it was the first time that had happened in a long while and I kind of felt like my sister was trying to comfort me. (I fell asleep and she came in afterwards.) Although it was really nice, I started to think about how I'll never do that with you again, and then to wonder again how much of what you told me you liked was a lie, so I got up.
On a different note, I'm thinking of asking Bryan Bell out... Not so much as a date as friends, and maybe something Halloween-y... I don't know. I don't think I'm quite ready for a real date, and I don't think I could handle it if he rejected me right now, but I just don't want to wait around and feel bad, and I don't want to wait around to watch you date other girls. I feel kind of insecure about the way I look, and I'm sure you'd hate that, but you know, you don't have a right to have an opinion on that.
One of my problems right now is that I need support, and I know I'll get it from some people, but after what happened with us I'm afraid that people will extend support that they don't really want to give -like you did- and leave me too -like you did. I was worried about that, you know. With all the things rumbling around in my head, I sought support, but I didn't want to be too much for you, so I only took it when you offered. But apparently you didn't actually want me to take it. That's one of the many differences between us, Zach, and I'm just glad that that crap is done. But we're really done now, and I'm just gonna keep wondering what of me you truly miss and what of me you're glad to be rid of. Is there any part you miss? I flatter myself to be pretty sure that there must be something, but I just can't tell your truths from your lies now so I don't know what that is. Maybe Badger would like a date. No, not really, he's infuriating. I'm just trying to do something other than sit here and be sad. I'm dressing up for formal day. HA-Ha! Whatever. I'll probably be writing here for a while, so I'll talk to you soon (<-- I sound like a dope.)
On a different note, I'm thinking of asking Bryan Bell out... Not so much as a date as friends, and maybe something Halloween-y... I don't know. I don't think I'm quite ready for a real date, and I don't think I could handle it if he rejected me right now, but I just don't want to wait around and feel bad, and I don't want to wait around to watch you date other girls. I feel kind of insecure about the way I look, and I'm sure you'd hate that, but you know, you don't have a right to have an opinion on that.
One of my problems right now is that I need support, and I know I'll get it from some people, but after what happened with us I'm afraid that people will extend support that they don't really want to give -like you did- and leave me too -like you did. I was worried about that, you know. With all the things rumbling around in my head, I sought support, but I didn't want to be too much for you, so I only took it when you offered. But apparently you didn't actually want me to take it. That's one of the many differences between us, Zach, and I'm just glad that that crap is done. But we're really done now, and I'm just gonna keep wondering what of me you truly miss and what of me you're glad to be rid of. Is there any part you miss? I flatter myself to be pretty sure that there must be something, but I just can't tell your truths from your lies now so I don't know what that is. Maybe Badger would like a date. No, not really, he's infuriating. I'm just trying to do something other than sit here and be sad. I'm dressing up for formal day. HA-Ha! Whatever. I'll probably be writing here for a while, so I'll talk to you soon (<-- I sound like a dope.)
posted by Amanda-bug at 7:58 AM
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